DEVELOPMENT PSICOSEXUAL

We have already commented previously an obvious question: the sexuality is a complex reality. This complexity talks about on the one hand in which the human sexuality is conditional by a high number of factors and by that there is to be understood like an element more of the characteristics of the person who intimately is related to the others. Thus questions like expresividad of the affection, the confidence, the self-esteem, the respect by the others, the form to handle the anxiety before different situations, etc., are questions bound intimately to the sexuality of any person and her development. Therefore, in the brief review which we will make next on the different moments from the sexuality, we will review some questions that only in appearance can appear nontie to the sexuality.

Birth and entailment

Every moment of the life, as much by the evolutionary process of the people like by the external circumstances that they surround to each individual, has a different expression as far as the scope of the sexuality. This is thus from the birth. At the first moments and months of the life of a person the reality of their existence composes purely sensorial aspects. The only reality that a baby perceives is the resultant of the accumulation of sensations that experiments. If we retook an adult position before this, we could consider that the life, in the first months, is pure sexuality. This probably is certain although we must clarify that it is realities and experiences different from which we can consider the sexuality adult.

The babies, something that is easily observable, react and experiment through their sensorial organs. Besides to emit conducts destined to cover its basic necessities, the world is an accumulation of experimentation and perception of originating sensations of the five senses.

As parents and mothers we can favor the development of our children and daughters contributing stimuli that foment their fundamental necessities. He can be interesting to emphasize that embracing them, playing with them, not only we will stimulate an appropriate growth with respect to its sexuality, if not who we will favor its integral development in this stage.

Another influential question in the characterization of the sexuality of the children and children that can have later consequences is the nakedness. Through the information which we transmit to our children and daughters on this question they will itself elaborate ideas on the nakedness, its bodies and also on themselves. One is a communication that is made so much by words as by facts and attitudes. In this sense it is good that they get used to being contemplated and to see the naked rest of the family; to that physical and hygienic activities as the bath is dyed of a strong playful component; or which before the appearance of naked in magazines or in the television judgments are emitted that transmit coherent ideas. This will imply that it is begun to learn to these ages that the body is not something shamefaced nor that only determined bodies are had to consider interesting, thing that habitually happens with the models of mass media, where with excessive frequency culturally perfect” bodies are only taught “.

In addition to the physical stimulation and the valuation of the body it is important that during the first years of life the baby develops a confidence sensation. This means that the baby perceives of the adults and the surroundings that surround continuity and calm messages to him. This way the baby will perceive itself of a positive and calmed way and will understand that the world that surrounds to him is coherent and predictable. The confidence will result already at the moment in the self-esteem that the boy and the girl are developing later and in the capacity of these to trust and to come near emotionally to the others. The confidence is acquired fundamentally through the parents, who can teach with coherence of their actions and attitudes and perseverancia to it in their expositions, causing that the baby is able to begin to predict the daily events.

The first years

On the three years the children and the children begin to settle down distinctions based on the sex of the people. When they begin to notice that they belong to a certain sex they also learn which is “the appropriate” conduct for each sort or sexual roll.

She is fundamental that each person has own characteristics, “masculine” as “as much feminine”. This is something that or to these ages we are teaching so much in house as in the school or through mass media. They are moments at which the necessity of definition of the children and children makes most important that we adopt before this question a clear and meditated position. A person heals is that that has integrated the parts masculine and feminine in a whole. For example, the men must be able to allow the possibility of being sensible, of taking care of the raising of the children, of showing tenderness, etc. On the other hand, the energetic, independent women must have the opportunity of being and with capacity to take initiatives. These questions that seem own of the scope of the coeducation, have in the land of the sexual development a Maxima importance since they will condition excessively, in addition to other aspects, the form and the experimentation of the individual sexuality throughout the life of any person.

Another at this moment evolutionary important aspect is the form in which the children and the children learn to control their sphincters. The regulation and control of the excretoras functions are modeled by the culture to which a person belongs. For a boy or girl, to tinkle and to excrete are surprising and pleasant events. They are exercises of regulation of corporal tension and in addition the boy and the girl with very many frequency are themselves attracted with these objects that leave their body. One is corporal and doubtlessly sexual exercises since they begin themselves to use the main corporal parcels related to the sexuality.

The children and children need to perceive that the control of sphincters is a healthful and natural aspect of the growth, without feels at no guilty moment to conduct battles of this type.

As much parents and mothers as caretakers and educators we must remember that for the children and children, the muscular control is something complex that needs a progressive training. One is not to make it of today for morning. It is not either good for going ahead to the events. Although the psicofísica maturity for the control of sphincters usually appears both to years, in many occasions the necessary maturation does not occur sometimes until the three and later. It is good for having it in account without forgetting that a slow development in this field does not have to mean of any way a deficit in the general development of the boy or the girl.

When it appears the language the first explanations begin to request themselves on the world. This is equally certain before the sexuality. At the moment already it is important to begin to speak clearly and positively on this subject, although this does not have to imply that we give detailed explanations when he is not that what it is being requested to us. To these ages the demands of information come fundamentally from the scope of the reproduction. From where the children and the children come and which are their differences by sex are the asked for questions more.

Nevertheless good nor bad questions do not exist and the same it happens with the type and the depth of the answers. A norm valid to perceive the degree of detail of the questions of our children and daughters and that is applicable to the following evolutionary moments, consists of exploring the curiosity of these after our explanation. To observe if its attention diminishes or to ask if they are satisfied with her they are conducts that will give information us on their expectations. We must not have well-taken care of in exceeding in our answers, they will only take care of the questions that are to them from interest.

Finally, to understand the sexuality in this stage it is necessary that we stop minimumly in the development of the autoerotismo. With this term they are designated to the directed actions to obtain to please in solitaire. In these ages the children and the children show interest by their body, its exploration and its stimulation. For them these activities constitute a form to discover another aspect of the world to which every time they are shown of more intrepid form. Through the autoestimulación, besides to obtain placenteras sensations, the boy and the girl they will learn aspects of his body and, if that corporal learning and of the pleasure is successful, more they will be enabled to enjoy one more a more complete form of his relations other people in the adult age.

During all the life, the person who learned during her childhood that these activities are reprobables and harmful, will conserve illegal and repugnant the impression that obtaining placenteras sensations by stimulus of the body he is something dirty. This attitude, with complete certainty, will be a tie to always enjoy its sexuality.

Of the six to the ten years

In these ages some of the questions persist that we have treated in the previous sections. This could not less be since whenever we divided the development of the people in stages or years has fissures. He is something that is developed in a continuous one, which by nature he is always different and peculiar for each person.

Near the six years and throughout all the process of schooling they begin to appear the first manifestations of sexual games. One is spontaneous conducts of the children and the children who reproduce between their equal situations that they observe and they detect in the adults. At the moment, the experimentation of the sexuality continues and it is covered of new ingredients. The coqueteo, the kisses secretly and the mutual explorations are frequent activities in these ages.

As parents and mothers we can assume different positions before these facts. Whatever our position we must always avoid to transmit messages that show the sexuality like something rejectable or repugnant. We can raise our objections of a reasoned form and delicate, paying attention to which they are the feelings of our son or daughter.

Another tie aspect with the sexuality which we can foment of healthful form is the experimentation of pleasant corporal sensations. To enjoy a stroll by the beach barefoot, to feel the texture of the grass or the objects, to stop to us in the experimentation of the scents, they are activities that harness the sensorial learning, something very important for the benefit of the sexuality. Another fundamental learning in these ages is to value the activities that are made so much by the result as by their process of accomplishment.

Probably one of the questions that throughout the human development can facilitate plus a healthy sexual growth is the existence of flowed channels of communication between parents and mothers and their children and daughters. Whichever greater it is the degree of freedom that presides over the communication in these subjects, greater it will be the influence degree that as parents and mothers we can exert. In addition, the children and children will receive precise information and exact and they will not be imprisoned of the sexual ghosts and myths that circulate habitually between their group of friends. To all this it is added to him that a communication opened between parents and children allows that these develop a greater degree of responsibility before their sexuality.

A good form to generate information happens to answer the demands that our children and daughters formulate to us. In some cases it can happen that questions do not go to us. It is possible that in these cases we must take it initiative and drill their possible restlessness.

Before the ten years the children and the children would have to know the questions related to the sexual organs, the physical relation between the sex and reproduction and changes which their bodies will be put under in the puberty. It is most important that the children and the children enter the puberty with knowledge and positive attitudes towards the changes that will happen to them so that they can value the experience correctly and in no case this can be to them frustrating. Also it is excellent that the access to the puberty goes accompanied of a clear and positive knowledge of the sexuality.

The adolescence and the puberty from the ten to the thirteen

As the people approach the puberty, their experiences and their experiences in the extreme pass to be conditional by the intense and new situations that this period it triggers. Deep physiological changes like the appearance of secondary sexual characters, the acceleration of the emotional and physical growth, the reproduction capacity, the changes in the relation that the people begin to settle down with people of another sex, the search of independence and the development of personal principles are questions that take part at the moment of the development.

The changes of the puberty do not appear suddenly nor at a single moment, but that they are triggered gradually and in different ages according to the people. The puberty begins in the children, between the nine and twelve years and concludes between the eleven and the fourteen. The children begin to make these changes between the ten and the twelve and the process arrives until the fifteen and sixteen years.

The children and children who have been prepared to face this stage, adapt to the changes with greater facility than those than have not received any type of preparation. Those that beforehand know what them delay welcomes better the changes and have the security that these will have positive results. In the beginning of this stage it can turn out interesting to review the conceptions and attitudes towards the sexuality reviewing aspects treated in previous moments.

The communication would not have to be only centered in approaching the basic aspects of the sexuality and the reproduction. It is the moment for going deep in the social, religious and cultural conditioners of the individual sexuality.

Sometimes this stage of the development makes a treatment necessary differential based on sex of our children and daughters. This does not mean more than the emphasis and the uncertainties will be different in the boys and the girls.

In the children, the physical changes of the stage imply the appearance of the corporal curves that indicate the approach to the physical adultez, the appearance of hair and the development of the chests. One of the greater changes will be the one of the appearance of menarquía.

Since the times of the physical development are specific in each person, it is important that to our daughters we make them include/understand the peculiar thing of the own development, allowing the acceptance of the individual characteristics like which it resists to the comparisons. He is frequent to find in prepúberes a deep preoccupation by his physical characteristics. Although this attitude is part of the evolution process, some occasions becomes an obsession. Social models exist that tend to mark canons there where the only possible measurement is the personnel. He is difficult and slow these people to include/understand that their personal characteristics are incomparable and to leave his preoccupation by the size or the form of his sines, the prominencia of his sinuosities, or the early thing of his development.

Shortly after the beginning of the puberty it appears the first menstruation. If it has been spoken previously and with naturalness of this question, it is easy to review the possible doubts and fears of the children before the menstruation. They can generally appear doubts on if one is a invalidante experience. It is precise to detail as one is a fact that does not repel for anything in the accomplishment of the daily activities. This is an opportune explanation mainly before menarquía, when the annoyances and the duration of this first menstruation are, frequently, greater than in the successive periods. The moment is this one for putting in practice the use of compresas and tampones. These last ones are more comfortable and allow a greater facility of movements. Also a certain training for its use is precise. This training can be acquired in house with the aid of the mother and other relatives.

Menarquía represents the state of physical maturation of a person and can be contemplated in the familiar scope with the festive component that is deserved. It would not be of organizing a small familiar celebration more to celebrate the event.

In the chavales the puberty is reached later and with more slowness than in the girls. In addition as perceivable signs as in them do not take place.

The physical manifestations begin with the enlargement of the penis and the testicles, later appear the hair in diverse parts of the body. The voice changes near the fifteen years and the hair continues appearing in the face and the chest until passed this age. All these changes in the same way trouble the boys who the girls are themselves surprised by his.

The collective explorations between equal are frequent and the comparisons usually take prepared critics that tend to confuse physical aspects with other elements like the virilidad or the masculinidad. It runs by our account to demystify fantasies on the sizes and the times of appearance of the changes. These questions sometimes become conflicts that accompany to the people during very many years.

During the puberty their capacities begin to be multiplied in the people to fantasear and this one is a question that affects the sexual development. The sexual fantasies are a tool that prepares to the people for sex, help to know the sexuality personal and to discover the privacy. In addition the sexual fantasies allow that the people develop their sexuality without having to resort to the practice before minimumly has been prepared for it.

As parents and mothers are advisable to speak with our children and daughters on the sexual fantasies, reducing any minimum element to them of fault and emphasizing their positive paper in the development of the sexuality. On the other hand he is advisable to remember that the sexual fantasies are exclusive patrimony of that develops them leaving its intimate character well clear.

Another even question to the puberty is the masturbation, of a way different from as it appeared in the previous periods. At the moment, the main variation of the autoestimulación is that through her orgasmos can be reached. The organism can develop human the sexual answer in all its extension.

He is recommendable that these subjects are treated openly. When it is not always spoken of a subject we emitted the message of which this question is taboo and it is valued negatively.

The masturbation is an irreplaceable instrument of self-knowledge and exploration of the individual sexuality. On the healthful practices masturbatorias is based the possibility of a satisfactory sexual life. He is interesting to approach with our children and daughters this subject between the nine and twelve years, leaving them clear that one is an average one to know the body and the placenteras physical sensations.

Other aspects of social nature will affect the personal development of the preadolescent like strictly as much in their sexual development. To learn to be related socially, to know how to put limits to the others and to be able to express his emotions suitably, they are questions that will also repel in all the scopes of the personal growth and an excellent form in the sexual one.

The adolescence

This is the time of the definitions. The adolescent emerges from the infantile world and uses all his energies in persecuting an own identity and characteristics. It is a process in which a greater independence calls to each other very insistently and when a greater degree of responsibility is due to accept. In this frame the familiar relations become ambivalent. At certain moments the adolescent looks for a great spacing and autonomy, in other occasions is tried to return to the shelter of the family. All this of intermittent form and sometimes requesting simultaneously autonomy and protection.

It turns out essential to have familiar spaces where it is possible to approach the different moments and situations that mark the world of the adolescent and where in addition adult we as pruned to express our points of view and our preoccupations.

He is unfortunately frequent that before the adolescents the only existing familiar communications turn on the discord of the adults before their conduct. This usually generates circles vicious where the father and the mother request discipline; the adolescent responds with the insumisión; and the father and the mother ask for discipline still more.

In these ages the discipline is a necessary question, not only for the mental health of the father and the mother, also for the adolescent. The correct solution happens to articulate a balance between the order and the open communication. This happens to attribute from our position of adults an equivalent rank towards that person who also begins to be it. With a recognition like this one, not only based on words but also in facts, it is possible that the relations with the adolescents are done more llevaderas to us and than these they reach the adultez of a less conflicting form.

The restrictions and the responsibilities imposed to the adolescents must be modified as they spend the years. We do not have to forget that one is a period of continuous growth towards the personal maturity.

The emphasis given by the adolescents to its group of friends as instrument of affirmation and property can be a question of familiar conflict. It can turn out from aid to know the friendships our children and daughters, to invite them to hold meetings in our house and to make contact with enemy with the parents and mothers of the friends of our children and daughters. It we will obtain yet, without having the intention to break its privacy, to be more near that world than they as much they value and whom to us sometimes to us preoccupation produces.

When one obtains that ample and sincere communication channels exist, besides to affect a harmonic development of our children and daughters, we will be teaching to express to the other feelings. One is a fundamental variable in all intimate relation. Thus we will be exercising a capacity that will result in the quality of the emotional and sexual life of our children and daughters.

Once established firmly the communication channels it will be possible to show itself to the events that give to form day to day to the sexual growth of the adolescents, whenever we remember the respect and the consideration that deserve their experiences. Also we will be able to expose our positions before the sexuality of a form that are listened to and had in account. This way we will be able to discuss with them the relevance to make the sexual act, the importance of the quality of the relation with another person, the necessity that mutual confidence in the pair exists, the use of the contraceptives, etc.

This we will obtain yet that our children and daughters enter themselves with the best capacities in the adult exploration of the world of the sexuality.


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